Sweeney Todd Musical Soundtrack Lyrics
Pirelli's Miracle Elixir
TOBIAS
Ladies and gentlemen!
May I have your attention, perlease?
Do you wake every morning in shame and despair
To discover your pillow is covered with hair
Wot ought not to be there?
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
From now on you can waken at ease.
You need never again have a worry or care,
I will show you a miracle marvelous rare.
Gentlemen, you are about to see something wot rose from the dead!
On the top of my head.
Scarcely a month ago, gentlemen,
I was struck with a 'orrible
Dermatologic disease.
Though the finest physicians in London were called,
I awakened one morning amazed and appalled
To discover with dread that my head was as bald
As a novice's knees.
I was dying of shame
Till a gentleman came,
An illustrious barber, Pirelli by name.
He give me a liquid as precious as gold,
I rubbed it in daily like wot I was told,
And behold!
Only thirty days old!
'Twas Pirelli's
Miracle Elixir,
That's wot did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick, sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!
How about a bottle, mister?
Only costs a penny, guaranteed.
1ST MAN:
Penny buys a bottle, I don't know . . .
2ND MAN:
You don't need
1ST MAN:
Ah, let's go!
TOBIAS:
Go ahead and tug, sir.
3RD MAN:
Penny for a bottle, is it?
TOBIAS:
Go ahead, sir, harder . ..
TOBIAS:
Does Pirelli's
Stimulate the growth, sir?
You can have my oath, sir,
'Tis unique.
Rub a minute.
Stimulatin' in it?
Soon you'll have to thin it
Once a week!
Gently dab it.
Gets to be a habit.
Soon there'll be enough, sir,
Somebody can grab it.
See that chap with
Hair like Shelley's?
You can tell 'e's
Used Pirelli's!
1ST MAN:
Let me have a bottle.
2ND MAN:
Make that two.
TOBIAS:
Buy PIRELLI's Miracle Elixir:
Anything wot's slick, sir,
Soon sprouts curls.
Try PIRELLI's!
When they see how thick, sir,
You can have your pick, sir,
Of the girls!
See PIRELLI's
Miracle Elixir
Grow a little wick, sir,
Then some fuzz.
The PIRELLI's
Soon'll make it thick, sir,
Like a good elixir
Always does!
Trust PIRELLI's!
If your hair is sick, sir,
Fix it in the nick, sir,
Don't look grim.
Just PIRELLI's
Miracle Elixir,
That'll do the trick, sir —
1ST MAN:
What about the money?
TOBIAS:
If you've got a kick, sir —
CROWD (Individuals, building to a shout):
What about the money?
Where is this PIRELLI?
Go and get PIRELLI!
TOBIAS:
Tell it to the mixer
Of the Miracle Elixir —
If you've got a kick, sir — !
TODD: Signor Pirelli. I am Mr. Sweeney Todd and I have serviced no kings, yet I
wager I can shave a cheek and pull a tooth with ten times more dexterity than
any street mountebank! You see these razors? I lay them against five pounds you
are no match for me.
PIRELLI: You hear zis foolish man? Watch and see how he will regret his folly.
TODD: Will beadle Bamford be the JUDGE?
BEADLE: Glad, as always, to oblige my friends and neighbors.
PIRELLI: Ready!
TODD: Ready!